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Saturday, 20 May 2006

Filler #2

2 weeks have passed and there are about 2 more posts made. I wonder what happened to all those people who agreed to post weekly/whatever on the egroups? Anyway, I'll be sticking to my word and making these random fillers every fortnight.

I should make a standard disclaimer if this style of fillers becomes a habit. Disclaimer: The following insights are entirely fictional and have no relationship with any persona's living or otherwise, be it undead, dead, or dead-undead. If the following account seems to be similar to anyone you know, please tell them to go for a makeover so as to ensure prevention of a lawsuit.
By reading on, you agree to agree to this disclaimer even if it is entirely irrelevant. You also agree to give the author 50 million dollars, as well as pledge your first born to him.

So after the nice disclaimer, I lost my steam and realised that there was in fact, nothing interesting to write about. So I asked others brilliant philosophical questions so as to be able to discern the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. By analyzing their answers, I was able to attain enlightenment. Do note, this is not anything a mere amateur is capable of. It takes years of practice and confinement to desolate mountain caves with caveman drawings and convenient lost ancient scrolls. A transcript of the amazing debate is as follows:

«nik» Must mug! says:
say something random
cm says:
something random..

Truly amazing. From this I managed to infer that the purpose of the human race is in fact, to serve and obey a single uber-mensch. The response time took about 1.37 seconds, an interesting number, because it's actually the floor of the square root of 2 minus sin 2.5. This amazing number too reflects another aspect of human life, which is inaccuracy. Regardless, I pondered this strange revelation that was given to me by divine insight, when I realised, that there had been no divine insight! The lack of divine insight however contradicted the initial thesis that humans were meant to serve. It was a complex and extremely deep thought, which I pondered for another 6 seconds. Perhaps, there was another meaning to it after all. Knowing that the subconscious mind actually contained the answer hidden within the matrix of the mind, I ingeniously used a method that would show me the answer once and for all. I flipped a coin. But not just any mere coin, this coin was superior to all other coins, because this coin was made of special material, a material which was not found on earth, nor was it found on jupiter. A smart human would immediately guess it was from neptune, but this is where the catch lies. It didn't come from neptune! Instead, it was an imaginary coin. I picked it up with my imaginary psychic powers in my imaginary hand, and flipped it into the imaginary air with my imaginary thumb, and watched it fly using imaginary photons caught by imaginary eyes and transmitted to the imaginary brain via imaginary optical nerves. Truly, by over utilizing my imagination, I would unleash the unerring accuracy of the subconscious and force it to answer my every question with answers that only my subconscious knew. Watching the coin flip as imaginary time passed, it finally landed. And in it's landing, i knew the answer was true. For it was suddenly so obvious, that I laughed at myself for not seeing it earlier. The coin had flipped through the air whirring and glinting under imaginary lights, before finally coming down. It's landing cannot be easily guessed by any mere amateur. I know what you're thinking, "Hah, I bet it lands edge!" But no, it didn't land edge. It didn't land heads. So what did it land on? Tails!
No, just kidding. An imaginary eagle flew from the sky and grabbed it. I chased the imaginary eagles for two imaginary seconds before the eagle dropped it. Into a bottomless pit. I pondered this for a while. Perhaps, just perhaps, there was no purpose in human life. Like the endlessly flipping coin in the bottomless pit, we would never know heads nor tails, or even edge. It would be one side for a mere instant, and in that instant our answer is certain, but in the next instant the answer may change again, and our fate and purpose may change freely along the flow of time. It was an interesting concept, and I spent time meditating. After the seeming aeons of meditation, I came upon the truth, which I knew would be true. It made absolute sense, and had such earth-shattering philosophical implications I knew would change the fate of the earth forever. It was: .. wait for it.. Humans were meant to serve me! It was consistent with all other observations, and it made a good conclusion. The sheer brilliance of my mind amazed myself, but I knew that people would not be so easily convinced, and therefore, replicates were necessary. Hence, checking the time I knew I had enough time for a repeat experiment, and promptly carried it out:

«nik» Must mug! says:
say something random
jaime/life on replay says:
er chocolates

Other variables which might have interfered in the experiment such as nickname, personal message, message, font size, font color, font type, temperature, pressure, country, were kept constant to ensure accuracy.

The trend seemed to hold. My will was carried out and my request was carried out. I hastily logged it in my chat log, and formed a table to present my answer in the best possible manner. Then it struck me, I still needed another replicate for the triplicate rule! But it was nearing 12am, and time was running out. Although my ingenious calculations indicated it would take a possible 30 seconds for another result to be recorded, I dared not to risk it, considering there were only 10 minutes left and I might mess up and drag for 11 minutes. However, the reader need not know this, despite the fact that I am telling him/her that right now...

*cough* Anyway, I carried out another replicate:

«nik» Must mug! says:
say something random
Totally real and non-imaginary person says:
Of course allmighty one, your wish is your command!
Totally real and non-imaginary person says:
I will say something random, if it may please thee. Behold
Totally real and non-imaginary person says:

And there we have it. My thesis held true, and the purpose of human existence was proven with tried and tested scientific methodology. I hastily wrote out my statements of trend and conclusion:

Statement of trend: Purplish with neon green stripes

3 replicates were carried out, and because they were consistent to +- 3 philosphical monkeys, they became accurate and reflected the population's subconscious and group identity. No further replicates were carried out.

As the length of the sentence does not change, the type of answer will not change. Therefore, we can infer that humans use proteins as the hereditary material and that they will learn to think and make conclusive conclusions within the next 1000 years. QED, WWWWW, kthnxbai

And with that, I promptly published my findings in the well-known philosophical journal "Of Smart, intellectual, xenophobic savants seemingly evil/viceless, save electric ninja Dogs", and began preparing my speech for the nobel prize i knew i would be nominated for soon.

Your purpose in life


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